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How to Love and Appreciate Your Body (in a society that wants you to hate it)
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How to Love and Appreciate Your Body (in a society that wants you to hate it)
How to Love and Appreciate Your Body (in a society that wants you to hate it)
I want to share with you my own story of coming to accept my body. I started writing this piece in the third person, but it was missing something. It was missing me and how and why this issue is important to me. Body acceptance is very different from weight loss, but it is ALL about health. Your mental health. Your state of mind and your state of being.
So here is my story of my relationship with my body, the ugly, embarrassing, the heart wrenching and the redemption.
After my story want to share some reasons why you should love your body right fucking now!
My Story
When I was 10 years old it became clear to me I didn’t look the way I was supposed to. I remember my grandmother telling me, “You’re so pretty but… you should lose a few pounds.” My grandmother was crafty and she would sew me clothes, I would silently wince looking at her face while she took the measurements.
Going to big family events was something I dreaded past the age of 10. I would see my Great Aunt Mary and like clockwork she would ask, “Sophia have you gained some weight?… You would be so pretty if you just lost some weight.”
In my tween years (the worst of it), it was time for my classmates to tell me I was different. There were countless kids in middle school that liked to make jokes about my weight. “Boom, boom, boom” was shouted as I walked down the hall.
Or that time I got a picture ripped from a Hustler of a sexy naked woman telling me ” You’re fat, you’re ugly and no one will ever love you.” Yeah, that really happened and you can read more about that here.
Yup, it was clear as day I didn’t look the way I was supposed to. I can’t blame my grandmother or my great aunt. Their ideas were already indoctrinated into them. So deep, they were fact. But for me, it not only became a fact that I didn’t look right. It became clear I wasn’t good enough.
A woman’s value in society, even now, is often based mostly on her looks and her body. It’s an antiquated and downright false ideology, but it lingers like a dog fart. Take that show the “King of Queens” Leah Remini is thin and gorgeous and her husband, played by Kevin James is overweight and not very attractive. He’s a dude and doesn’t have to be super hot to be on TV, just funny.
As we get older it only gets harder to live up to the pressure. When I hit college, I had some of my best and worst experiences. When we’re supposed to be wiser, I was a still a target. I learned really quickly that I was always the next day regret of the guy I met the night before.
I went on for years feeling powerless and less than myself. Always dulling my sparkle because what did it matter if I shined? I was fat so I wouldn’t matter.
My Turning Point
I had a realization while talking to my friend… (we may or may not have been in an altered state). I was really listening and understanding… not glazing over. Often we would have these deep and meaningful conversations. My friend Sarah was sage and wise to me, she was a couple years older and I looked up to her. Always reading self help books and really into self improvement, she started talking about black and white thinking, the many shades of grey, and the belief we are not good enough.
That did it for me… I realized I have been telling myself exactly what that bully wrote to me. “You’re fat, you’re ugly and no one will ever love you.”
Regardless of the people that loved me and the man that married me. I believed I was not worthy of happiness.
How could I succeed and how could I be happy if I believed these things about myself?
In the year and a half after, I did lose weight, but that’s not what brought the happiness. The happiness came because I was living the life I wanted to live. I was addressing my health, I started my blog, I was doing great creative work!
I lost 73 pounds, but I was by no means “thin”. Just finally able to fit into regular sized clothes, a size 14. For once I felt fit and strong! So I stopped going to WW.
Why? I was happy and I was healthy, but to WW I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t my “proper” weight.
I was still obese by government health standards…
But I felt great. I didn’t feel like I needed or wanted to lose more weight.
Here were my goals…
My goal was to fit into regular sized clothes… check
To feel happy… check
To be able to run one or more miles without stopping… check
To do all the things I was scared to do… check
10 Reasons to Love Your Your Body Right F*cking Now!
The way your body looks will not increase your own happiness.
Contrary to what you think, a smaller body will not make you happy. You will just face different challenges and all the underlying issues that you has before will still be there. Positive change always begins within. Look inside yourself. What have you always been jealous of others for? What do you want to do that you are not already doing? Why aren’t you doing those things? Are your excuses more important to you than the thing you actually want?
Because Bacon and Beer.
If you’re a person that truly loves food, you will never be happy living a life that does not include the foods you love! Yes, if you lose weight you can enjoy them in moderation, but that moderation has to become less and less the thinner you get. So making a conscious decision of what weight you can really maintain with the lifestyle you want makes you more powerful instead of always trying to get thinner and also still trying to live the life of a foodie.
Are you healthy? That’s what really matters!
When is the last time you went for a physical? How was your health? If you received a clean bill of health from the doctor then relish in that. Though most doctors will try and still tell you to lose weight. Health is the most important thing to a happy life, not how good you look in a bikini.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there are plenty of people that will be attracted to you at your current size.
When I was larger I was always obsessed that no one would be attracted to me. What no one was attracted to was my negativity and self hate. Let’s face it… that’s not hot at all. There is a number of men that prefer larger women, men that like you just for who you are and men that love really skinny chicks too. Don’t project your own issues with yourself on others and assume they won’t like you. Easier said than done. Try and enter any conversation with an open mind and an open heart and give yourself a little pep talk about all the things that are awesome about you and why they would be lucky to know you!
If you are fine with it everyone else will be too
This goes back to what you project onto the world from what you think about yourself. If you are comfortable in your skin, having a hell of a time and not giving a shit what people think… well you set yourself up for one hell of a night. One thing I learned, the more things you want to do and avoid out of fear, the more power and confidence you steal from yourself. Confidence is living a life completely true to yourself. Confidence is NOT a size. I know many badass bitches that are larger in size… i.e. Tess Holiday.
Unless you got a job as a supermodel, why should you have the perfect body?
This is the question I asked myself. I am a food blogger, event planner and marketer. If I am not a size 2, it doesn’t effect my job or my life. I need to have a body that is healthy and strong to do the stuff I like to do. Have a body that meets your needs, not someone else’s needs.
WWJBS? What would Jess Baker say?
Jess Baker of The Militant Baker was someone I followed when I joined WW. She is unapologetically herself inside and out. Shie is opinionated, loud, and large. She doesn’t care, her lover doesn’t and she is HAPPY! She has conferences about body love and she even gave a TEDx talk. Here is a snippet of her wisdom. To set this up, she recently gained weight and here is her response on what it means and doesn’t mean.
What it DOESN’T mean:
- My value as a person has decreased.
- I am now broken and must be fixed.
- I have failed myself and everyone around me.
- I must return to “old me” in order to be happy and successful.
- I am going to lose all my friends.
- Supergirl is a riveting show that everyone should watch (sorry, Supergirl fans).
- The world is going to end.
What it DOES mean:
-
I’ve gained weight
The standard of beauty is rigged against us!
Why all of a sudden is the Venis di Milo not hot? That chick was the Kate Moss of her day. Now… oh sorry she is overweight. Let’s face it, the standard of beauty is ALWAYS rigged against us. When Venus was shaking her boom boom, everyone was skinny because there wasn’t enough food for most people. In Kate’s day (now), food is cheap, especially junk food. So now most people are heavy. So basically whatever is harder to be is what’s gonna be hot. That shit is crazy and not easily attainable if not impossible.
What you think about yourself matters most.
What do you think of yourself? Be sure it is the truth and not what others have said about you. The approval you must seek is within. Please yourself, challenge yourself and find your very own brand of happiness. You will be with yourself your whole life, so you better start liking yourself. We gotta ditch the mean girls of our head and hang with our BFFs. You are awesome and you DO know this. So go ahead girl, sparkle like a bright-ass diamond!
Hollywood ideals are insane!
I’m gonna let my girl Jennifer Lawrence preach it to you!
“In Hollywood, I’m obese. I’m considered a fat actress. I eat like a caveman. I’ll be the only actress who doesn’t have anorexia rumors! I’m never going to starve myself for a part. I’m invincible. I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss so I’m going to skip dinner.'”
Now it is time to find your own reasons you love your body!
Download the Love My Body Worksheet HERE.
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Love this, I’ve finally in the last 2 years or so started to love my new body. I gained weight due to infertility treatments and losses. I’ve lost a lot of that weight and I’ll probably never be back to the size I once was before the gain, but I’ve finally started to accept and be happy with myself. I stay active, but I also love beer and food (which is why I love this blog)
Thanks so much for sharing your story Jenn. It has been amazing knowing you the last few years! I am so glad you are accepting yourself because you are awesome and you ain’t no supermodel so to hell with being super small! You are fun, having fun and you’re healthy!! XOXO and thanks so much for being a part of the NY Foodgasm movement!
The article is awesome and I needed it, so thank you! My weight has fluctuated A LOT. Last year I was at my lowest since high school and this year I am probably close to my highest. I worked hard to lose the weight and since I’ve gained it all back I’ve been pretty hard on myself. I think I need to ask my husband to hide my scale for a while because that number shouldn’t define anyone’s happiness.
I completely understand!! I gained like 15 pounds of the 73 I lost back and sometimes I actually think I am a fraud for saying I lost 73 pounds, LOL. But I did, it’s that imposter syndrome talking! I am soooo glad you are part of the Summer Health Challenge and so happy I can help in any way! XOXO!